The morality of fat
Maybe you have to have been a fat girl (or boy) to understand this. I’m not fat anymore, but I certainly had my run at it. (See the trail mix diet for my credentials.) And once you’ve been fat, those particular brain cells stay with you no matter how much less you weigh in the years to come. A part of you will always be a fat girl.
I was thinking about that today as I checked the effects of my three days among writers for our novel critiquing workshop. As I explained, sugar bingeing at those events is not just a suggestion, it’s the law.
Even though I know it’s just a temporary weight gain, and I’ll be back to normal in a few days, there’s still that panic–like if I let down my guard for a second I’ll turn back into that poor, acne-faced girl wearing men’s XL clothes.
A few years ago I read an incredible essay by Pam Houston in her book A Little More About Me. Pam was one of my early writing teachers, and though I love her fiction (starting with Cowboys Are My Weakness), it’s always been her essays that hit me upside the head. It’s because she’s so honest sometimes it hurts.
The essay is called “The Morality of Fat.” In it Pam talks about her own struggles with weight, and about this observation she’s made over the years: People assume things about your character, based on how much you weigh. When she’s thin, they treat her like she’s brilliant, funny, in control. When she’s not so thin, they presume she’s a wreck.
Why is that? How can ten or fifty or a hundred extra pounds make you stupid? And why do we assume that being thin can suddenly make us wonderful?
And listen to this: Yesterday a friend of mine told me that when she was pregnant with her first child a few years ago, she applied for life insurance. And even though the insurance company knew she was pregnant, they still slapped her with an extra premium for weighing so much more than their height and weight charts allowed. She was pregnant, but they still defined her as “obese.” Does that strike anyone else as ABSOLUTELY INSANE?? And now that she’s back to “normal,” they still don’t want to reduce her premium. It’s times like these when I almost wish I were still practicing law. Almost.
But back to today’s question: What judgments are we guilty of making about people who are overweight? Is it just the usual–that they have no self-control, no self-respect, etc.–or does your brain automatically take you further than that? Do you think fat people are stupid? Lazy? Immoral? Is Oprah Winfrey a better person now than when she was truly huge? Was Renee Zellwiger smarter when she was a tiny wisp of a woman in Chicago than when she was 30 pounds overweight in Bridget Jones’ Diary?
I prefer Bridget Jones. Fat people are nicer.
Technorati Tags: Fat, Obesity, Overweight, Diets, Health, Weight Loss, Dieting, Pam Houston
May 13th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
i thought a bit before responding, but robin didn’t answer the question(s) yourself? didn’t you say you “panic” that you might revert to that poor acne faced girl wearing a men’s size extra large? not that you might revert to that “big boned girl from southern alberta” who could tear up the dance floor. the issue as far as i’m concerned is self-respect. don’t expect others to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. my dearest friend from college always was and still is a plus sized woman. she is also beautiful (yes on the inside too). she is well grooomed, well dressed, and most importantly has never put her life on hold until she loses 20, 10, 15 you pick it, pounds. she has always lived in the moment being the best she can be and guess what, people treat her exactly like she treats herself,as capable, competent and worthy of respect. in our younger years i used to complain how long she took to get ready when we’d go out–her reply, “when you’re the biggest thing in the room you damn well better look good.” so if you are FAT, so what. work at being healthy and do EVERYTHING. eat dinner with your family, go swimming with your kids, get naked in the hot tub with your spouse (or whoever), go on that cruise, get the size larger or two size larger ski pants and do it, wear a tuck-in shirt or strapless dress–but mostly get it through you head that those who love you, want you right now, just as you are, not 20 0r 10 or 25 pounds from now.
stop hating yourself. respect not only yourself but those who love you.
May 14th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
Annette, you are SO smart!
I don’t meet many men, so I’ve been “internet dating” for awhile. I never discriminate because of weight. However, one of the things that will KILL any chance of moving things forward with me is lying about it- whether that photo was taken two years and 80 pounds ago, or whether the guy describes himself as “average” when he’s a minimum of 80 pounds over any interpretation of what normal should be for his height and frame. Why? Because if he can’t see himself clearly and can’t be honest with himself, then how is he going to function in a relationship with me?
It’s never the weight that’s the problem for me, it’s all the baggage that sometimes, and maybe even often, goes with it.